Today I broke one of my own rules. I put something other than meat in the oven on the "broil" setting. Okay, more than one rule. I also started to smell it burn and thought, "Nah, it hasn't been in there long enough," and let it go for about another minute. When I took my breakfast bagel out of the oven, one half was black and the other half was black and afire. However, I did not slam the oven door shut and say "Oh dear!" Although I was tempted to. No, I took my bagel halves out of the oven and calmly set another pan on top and then listened to them merrily crackling away underneath until it sounded like it was safe enough to remove them to the sink for a thorough drenching.
Which just goes to show that the same person who can make cream puffs and roast a turkey can also burn a bagel in the oven. It's not a lack of knowledge. It's a lack of will. Or an excess of will. Or possibly an excess of the erroneous sensation of knowing better than the laws of nature. Who can say? All I know is, you have to be a little bit crazy to get into a kitchen in the first place. All those knives, the multiple sources of extreme heat and associated burning, not to mention the germs. I don't know about your moms' kitchens, but my mom liked to defrost meat on the countertop all day and cook it that night after she got home. Yet nobody died. Or even got sick! In the meantime I eat raw salad that leaves dirt in the sink after I wash it and regularly consume things that came out of a chicken's butt. Which, for the record, is strictly accurate. FYI, birds do not have a separate reproductive tract and excretory tract. It all comes out of the same place. Just chew on that while you're eating your next scrambled egg! This the kind of information that makes some people be vegans. But for me, I say "bring it on." And I cook! And accidentally burn myself and food items! It's all good.
Which just goes to show that the same person who can make cream puffs and roast a turkey can also burn a bagel in the oven. It's not a lack of knowledge. It's a lack of will. Or an excess of will. Or possibly an excess of the erroneous sensation of knowing better than the laws of nature. Who can say? All I know is, you have to be a little bit crazy to get into a kitchen in the first place. All those knives, the multiple sources of extreme heat and associated burning, not to mention the germs. I don't know about your moms' kitchens, but my mom liked to defrost meat on the countertop all day and cook it that night after she got home. Yet nobody died. Or even got sick! In the meantime I eat raw salad that leaves dirt in the sink after I wash it and regularly consume things that came out of a chicken's butt. Which, for the record, is strictly accurate. FYI, birds do not have a separate reproductive tract and excretory tract. It all comes out of the same place. Just chew on that while you're eating your next scrambled egg! This the kind of information that makes some people be vegans. But for me, I say "bring it on." And I cook! And accidentally burn myself and food items! It's all good.
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