I'm almost embarrassed to post this recipe, because it's barely a recipe to start with. But, I guess I should take heart because I've seen recipes for and been subjected to many a dish made with loving hands that essentially involved dumping various premade items (the infamous Cream of Mushroom soup, for example) into a casserole and then baking it until it was all hot and bubbly. Because, you know, I like my poison hot and bubbly. Okay, that was a little extreme! Those dishes are not poisonous unless you have some kind of allergy, but they definitely are not my favorite. Anyway, returning to the Roasted Asparagus. It's delicious, but also super-easy. So easy that when you're savoring every mouthful you think "That was it?" That, my friends, is the joy of much of Italian cooking-- it relies on the quality and character of the ingredients to shine on their own with little intervention on the cook's part. Translate: a lot of it is easy to prepare! Without further ado:
Roasted Asparagus
1-2 bunches of fresh asparagus (I always buy one and wish I had bought two!)
salt to taste
oil of your choice. I know, this is where I should be touting Extra Virgin Olive Oil at $49.99 per 3 liter can. But let's be honest: canola oil tastes just fine, and is also cheaper than the aforementioned liquid gold.
Preheat the oven to about 400-425F. Wash your asparagus and trim off the ends-- I'm not sure what the official rule is for asparagus, but I cut off the white part. I'm not super-picky, so I don't mind if my asparagus is a little tough, especially if it's later in the season and I'm feeling grateful for having asparagus at all! Put your asparagus in a single layer (this is important) in as large a dish as you need to accomplish that. Drizzle it with your oil, and sprinkle it with salt. Put the dish in the oven and roast it for about 10-12 minutes, or until your asparagus is a little wrinkly-looking and is nice and floppy. That's the best way I can describe it. You can make your jokes to yourself about floppy asparagus, but that's how it's supposed to be. Floppy. Anyway, at this point take your dish out of the oven and resist the temptation to try and eat the floppy asparagus right away, because it needs to cool or it will burn your mouth. After about 5 minutes it should be okay. This is the best way I've ever had asparagus! If you've done it just right the stems will be tender-al dente and the tops will be ever so slightly crispy.
________
My aunt told me about her discovery of asparagus, which was just a few years ago. The way she cooks it now is very similar, only on the stovetop. Before then she had avoided it because all she'd ever known was the canned asparagus they had when she was growing up. If you think properly cooked fresh asparagus is floppy, you should see canned asparagus! It's like the exhumed embalmed cadaver of asparagus-- the Lenin of asparagus, if you will. It somehow has retained all of the qualities that could be considered offensive about fresh asparagus and also amplified them, and yet also become in other ways totally unlike fresh asparagus. In a nutshell, it smells like rotten eggs, tastes like pease porridge in the pot nine days old, and has the texture of newborn poop. Additionally it is a lurid neon green in some form of travesty against the natural asparagus, much like botox on a ninety-year-old heavy drinker. In conclusion, please do not ever eat canned asparagus. Thank goodness for fresh asparagus! It is so delicious and so easy to prepare!
Roasted Asparagus
1-2 bunches of fresh asparagus (I always buy one and wish I had bought two!)
salt to taste
oil of your choice. I know, this is where I should be touting Extra Virgin Olive Oil at $49.99 per 3 liter can. But let's be honest: canola oil tastes just fine, and is also cheaper than the aforementioned liquid gold.
Preheat the oven to about 400-425F. Wash your asparagus and trim off the ends-- I'm not sure what the official rule is for asparagus, but I cut off the white part. I'm not super-picky, so I don't mind if my asparagus is a little tough, especially if it's later in the season and I'm feeling grateful for having asparagus at all! Put your asparagus in a single layer (this is important) in as large a dish as you need to accomplish that. Drizzle it with your oil, and sprinkle it with salt. Put the dish in the oven and roast it for about 10-12 minutes, or until your asparagus is a little wrinkly-looking and is nice and floppy. That's the best way I can describe it. You can make your jokes to yourself about floppy asparagus, but that's how it's supposed to be. Floppy. Anyway, at this point take your dish out of the oven and resist the temptation to try and eat the floppy asparagus right away, because it needs to cool or it will burn your mouth. After about 5 minutes it should be okay. This is the best way I've ever had asparagus! If you've done it just right the stems will be tender-al dente and the tops will be ever so slightly crispy.
________
My aunt told me about her discovery of asparagus, which was just a few years ago. The way she cooks it now is very similar, only on the stovetop. Before then she had avoided it because all she'd ever known was the canned asparagus they had when she was growing up. If you think properly cooked fresh asparagus is floppy, you should see canned asparagus! It's like the exhumed embalmed cadaver of asparagus-- the Lenin of asparagus, if you will. It somehow has retained all of the qualities that could be considered offensive about fresh asparagus and also amplified them, and yet also become in other ways totally unlike fresh asparagus. In a nutshell, it smells like rotten eggs, tastes like pease porridge in the pot nine days old, and has the texture of newborn poop. Additionally it is a lurid neon green in some form of travesty against the natural asparagus, much like botox on a ninety-year-old heavy drinker. In conclusion, please do not ever eat canned asparagus. Thank goodness for fresh asparagus! It is so delicious and so easy to prepare!
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