Crunchy Mixed Grill / Grandmom Throws Her Hands Up

I created this recipe because I had some crisp rice cereal left over from making a bar cookie recipe that involved it, marshmallows, and a filling of room-temperature-stable raw cookie dough.  (In a nutshell, it's egg-free so it won't give you diseases if you eat it.  Not that I've ever gotten diseases from eating regular egged cookie dough.  But I also haven't left it out on my counter, adorning crisp rice marshmallow bars, for 2 days straight.)  Anyway, those things are delicious.  I even tried to find a link to them out of a sense of public service; unfortunately, I came across several different recipes, none of which was the one I originally used.  So, in the spirit of not getting in the middle of things, I'm going to leave it up to you which one of the easily-findable recipes you want to try, rather than wasting my time wracking my brain over who plagiarized who on this concept.  Or maybe it was like when two different people from across the planet win the same Nobel Prize for the same thing.  The idea was just so brilliant that it couldn't not be thought of, by multiple people.

But returning to the subject of my recipe, I like crunchy things.  I also like to maintain a healthy weight without having to become a marathon runner to balance out my eating choices.  So I'm always up for alternatives to my (everybody's) favorite way to make things crunchy, also known as deep-fat frying.

1 large potatoes or 2 small potatoes, coarsely chopped
1 red bell pepper, coarsely chopped
1/2 a large eggplant, or 1 small eggplant, coarsely chopped
2-3 roma tomatoes...you get the idea...coarsely chopped
cooking oil
salt
Italian Seasoning (I have developed a serious crush on IS.  It's nummy.)
about 1/3 C. of crisp rice cereal

Heat about 3 TB. cooking oil in a large skillet until sizzling.  In the following order, add in: the potatoes, the eggplant, the bell pepper, and the tomatoes, allowing about 2-3 minutes in between additions for the each addition to cook.  (IE, potatoes take the longest, so they get put in first because they'll be in the pan the longest that way.)  Put a lid on it all, turn the heat on the stove down a little, and let it cook for another 5-6 minutes.  Remove the lid, turn the heat back up, add in the salt and Italian Seasoning, stirring everything together really well.  Add in a bit more oil, and let everything get sizzly.  Just before you're ready to serve this, throw in the crisp rice cereal and toss it into everything, then scrape it all out of the pan and onto a serving dish.

FYI, this is only crunchy straight from the pan.  The next day it will not be crunchy.  But you could always do the Italian Reheat and put however much leftovers of it you planned on eating in a pan and reheating it that way, tossing in a little more fresh crisp rice cereal along the way.
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"OH MY GOD!"  These are words that, when coming from Grandmom, usually herald that I have done something ridiculous.  You would think, being a sweet little old Italian lady, that she would not have it in her to literally throw her hands up in the air and yell "OH MY GOD!"  But you would be wrong. 

Interestingly enough, I can't actually remember specific details of what I was doing each of the times that I've elicited this response from Grandmom, possibly because the combined shock of being interrupted in the middle of doing something that required concentration and of being yelled at by Grandmom wiped it from my memory. 

I have vague impressions, though, that I was typically in the process of either breaking something, grossly misusing it, or wasting it.  I think one time for sure she caught me filling half a Styrofoam refrigerator shipping container with gallons and gallons of water on their carpeted back porch.  What can I say?  It was hot.  I was in elementary school.  I was careful not to sit on the sides of the box because that would wreck my sweet new pool, swimming with ice cubes from the freezer.  In that incident, Grandmom also threw up her hands metaphorically and let me use my Styrofoam-iced-swimming-pool-on-the-porch. 

I actually like summer, for the record.  It's just that summer seems to bring out more of the ingenious side of me than other temperature extremes.  (In winter, there is only one obvious solution: stay inside.)  In the same season, summer, a year or so after the improvised swimming pool incident, Grandom took a picture of me hanging by a homemade (from an aluminum beach chair and excessive amounts of twine) tree swing.  Grandmom took another picture of me from a few years later sitting in the refrigerator with the refrigerator door wide open.  LOLCats, I had you beat by at least a decade.  I think the only one of these incidents that didn't lead to an "OH MY GOD!" was me sitting in the refrigerator.  At least I wasn't potentially breaking anything, even if I was grossly misusing the refrigerator and being the cause of globally warming Grandpop's pitcher of Boost! 

I think the same level of surprise that causes me not to remember very clearly why I got "OH MY GOD!" yelled in my general direction is the same level of surprise that caused Grandmom to yell "OH MY GOD!" in the first place.  It's a wonder we didn't give each other heart attacks.  But it's a sign of the mutual appreciation we have for each other that I rarely (if ever) did the same thing twice, and that Grandmom took (and treasured) a cute picture of whatever it was nearly every time.

Cinnamon Raisin Coffee Cake

Update

This cake is nasty!  I guess I've gotten so used to being able to produce good stuff from my kitchen that I didn't bother to try it for once before posting it.  I mean, it's not cough-syrup-flavored or made with lice, but it's not exactly tasty.  Its issues are: too dense, not enough filling, not enough flavor overall.  There, I said it.  Based on the continued popularity of my blog post about the homemade toothpaste, I'm guessing that my honesty about kitchen failures is entertaining.  Which was in part the point.  Success!  So, if you feel inclined to mess around with this recipe, feel free.  I would add about 2-3 more cups of raisins and real sugar instead of corn syrup, skip the whole "1 TB of this, 1 TB of that" business and just dump a whole boatload of butter in its place, and let this one rise twice like it was supposed to, rolling it out between risings and filling it with the aforementioned raisins.  But that's just an estimate, since I probably will just make actual real cinnamon buns next time instead of lazy, cabinet-purging muffinettes.  (I felt at the time that muffins would be a good call.  Turns out: I was wrong.)

Fruit Filling (I use the word "filling" loosely)
1 C. golden raisins
1/4 C. granulated sugar or light corn syrup (I used corn syrup...still cleaning out the cabinets)
1-2 tsp. ground cinnamon

Heat the corn syrup on the stove in a small saucepan over medium heat.  Stir in the cinnamon and the raisins.  Turn the heat down to low and let it sit and bubble for a few minutes-- 5 or so.  (It should still be runny.)

Batter
1 pkg. quick-rise yeast (if you have regular, just plan on doubling the rising time, but otherwise do everything else the same)
1/2 C. milk

Heat the milk until it's warm but not hot (otherwise you'll kill your yeast!!).  Stir in your yeast and let it proof, ie let it sit and make bubbles for a minute or so.  (If it doesn't bubble, start over with new yeast and fresh milk.)

Then, whisk together:

1 C. all-purpose flour
1 C. whole wheat flour
1/4 tsp. salt

In a separate bowl, combine the following, adding the egg second last and the sugar last.

1 egg
1 TB. shortening, melted
2 TB. sunflower oil
1 TB. cream cheese
1/4 C. sugar (I had powdered, but granulated would probably be fine)

Stir the yeast mixture into the wet ingredients.  Then add the wet into the dry, including the Fruit filling that you have prepared.  Or, you could make it a true filling and layer it into the batter when you get closer to baking it.  Either way, set your batter aside in a warm place and let it rise until double.  (I'm impatient, so what I do is let it rise to about 75% and then put the batter in a cold oven instead of preheating it.  It works out pretty well!)  When your batter is how you like it, pour your batter into the receptacle of your choice.  I used a muffin pan plus a mini loaf pan, but it would make two regular-sized loaves, or a 9x9 square pan as well.  Then, bake it according to your tastes (the impatient way or the regular way) at 350 for 20-30 minutes or until it passes the toothpick test.  If you feel extra festive, make a frosting from 1 C. powdered sugar and 1-2 TB. of milk and pour it over the top!
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When I was younger, I used to wish that I had a more picture-perfect home life.  "Wish" is probably not strong enough a word.  I felt instinctively that my life would be a lot easier if it were.  I'm thankful, though, for the strength that God has taught me through my non-picture-perfect family, and I'm thankful that he gave me Grandmom and Grandpop, that were such a source of rest when life was so hard.  In amongst all of that, they were like an island of food and love in the midst of a raging sea. It was bittersweet to go visit them because I knew I had to leave, and I knew what I had to go back to. But it still meant the world to me. And I appreciated the home-cooked meals while I was there, and the unfashionable winter coats that they sent me when I wasn't there, much more than if their love and kindness were all I had ever known.  And at the end of the day, I think I can honestly say that I could survive pretty much anything. My world isn't going to come crashing down if I'm hungry, or cold, or despised. I know that hunger cannot break your spirit, and the cold cannot kill it. I know the difference between being liked for what I have and being liked for who I am, and I know the difference between being disliked for what I've done and being mistreated because I'm vulnerable.

But most of all, I'm thankful for knowing what it means to be loved just for existing on this earth, and not because of anything else.  And the wisdom to know that this is the difference between love and appreciation.  Appreciation fades.  Appreciation can replace its object.  Appreciation definitely dies a swift and bitter death once its source dries up.  Love...doesn't.  Love is worth it.  Appreciation isn't.  Thank you, Grandmom and Grandpop.

Ginger Oat Cake / Grandmom Earns Her Life of Leisure

Ginger Oat Cake

Preheat the oven to 350F.

(whisk together)
1 C. all-purpose flour
1/2 C. whole wheat flour
1/2 C. rolled oats (like you would eat for breakfast, also the regular kind, not the "quick" kind)
1/2 tsp. salt
1-1/2 tsp. baking soda

(beat together, in the following order)
1/2 cup oil (I used almond, also to use it up, but canola or some other mild-flavored oil would be fine)
2 eggs, lightly beaten
1/2 C. molasses
1/2 C. powdered sugar (or regular granulated sugar, I just used powdered to use it up)
2-3 TB. fresh ginger paste or about 1-1/2 tsp. ground ginger
1/2 tsp. ground black pepper

Combine the two mixtures, stirring until just thoroughly mixed (ie no clumps of flour or ginger floating about) and then stopping.  (Too much stirring could make the cake tough.)

Grease and flour a medium-sized glass baking dish-- I think mine is 6 inches by 10 inches by 2-3 inches deep-- and pour the batter in, and bake for 30-45 minutes (depending on whether your oven runs hot or not-- mine does) or until the cake passes the toothpick test.  (I will repeat it for thoroughness: stick a toothpick or even a fork or the tip of a knife into the thickest part of your baked good, and if it doesn't have gooey blobs of batter on it, or thick moist crumbs stuck on it-- both signs of varying degrees of not-doneness, but does maybe have a couple of small crumbs on it and is otherwise still clean and dry, then your baked good is done.)  If you like, slice the cake while it's still in the pan and top it with:

Microwave Hot Lemon Sauce, for Those of Us Who Don't Like to Dirty Two Additional Pans for 1 Cup of Sauce or Spend More Time Making the Sauce Than The Cake

(microwave on high, for about 2 minutes)
1/2 C. water

(meanwhile, mix in a small bowl...)
1/2 C. powdered sugar
1 beaten egg
1/4 C. butter

Once the water in the microwave is bubbling hot, remove it and pour it slowly over the sugar mixture, stirring all the while.  Then, put that in the microwave, also on high, for about 3 minutes, removing it every 45 seconds to 1 minute to stir it vigorously with a fork.  Stop microwaving it when it gets thick.  Then, stir in about:

1-2 TB. lemon juice, or, equivalently, the juice of about half a lemon.
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I am enjoying the slow process of cleaning out my cabinets.  I think those around me are also enjoying it!  It works out well for my creative process and for my need to not get diabetes.
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The last time I went to visit Grandmom, she told me the story of how she retired.

Grandmom worked at, I think, the same factory her whole working life.  It was boring, but it was good pay, and Grandmom has always been good at sewing, so it played to her strengths.  Plus, she got to hang out with her friends on lunch and scheduled breaks.  It's New Jersey, which is a union state.  If a union could have negotiated scheduled foot massages, it would have by now.  Unions in the US, to enter onto a tangent, seem to have progressed on the "shirtsleeves to shirtsleeves in three generations" plan and, like all who go down that unfavorable road, it is their own fault and nobody else's.  If the unions had just quit at fair working hours and safe working conditions, everybody would still love the unions.  Instead, they got pompous and cocky around the 1970s, much like the overly-coddled son of a bootstrap millionaire, with the predictable results that always follow too much throwing your weight around. 

Anyway, to return to my story.  Grandmom and her unionized friends engaged in much friendly rivalry, like all women in the workplace.  This included the Secret Bird, otherwise known as flipping someone off across the room while pretending to adjust your glasses.  This was mostly before contacts, so almost everyone wore glasses.  Even Grandmom and Aunt Kitty flipped each other off on occasion.  Gotta love it. Amongst all this Secret Bird Flipping and break-taking, my Grandmom became one of the best sewers in the factory, and was entrusted with the trickiest work.  During all of this, the factory changed hands and Grandmom got a new boss.  This new boss did not like fixing his equipment.  You would think this would be an intuitive act in a factory-- to make sure the factory equipment still worked, much like the hiring and retaining of the workers to run said equipment.  However, history is about to prove us wrong. 

Grandmom's specialized sewing machine would break.  She would go tell the boss.  He would, instead of having someone trained in sewing machine repair come fix it, come over himself, pound on it like a Neanderthal trying to invent fire, and leave.  It would work for another few minutes, hours, or days.  Then this process would repeat itself. Did I mention the as-frequent complaints of this same boss about how Grandmom's productivity was subpar? Eventually Grandmom decided to leave.  She did.  The boss came personally to her house to beg her to come back.  She made him swear a solemn oath to fix the machine once and for all.  He made that oath.  Grandmom went back.  The machine wasn't fixed.  So, one day a couple of weeks later, she decided to sneak out in stealth.  Around lunchtime, she collected her personal things and went home claiming to be eating out.  And she never returned!  And she has enjoyed a life of leisure ever since! 

Grandpop retired a few years later and maintained their marital bliss by being faithful to his true loves: gameshows and sports on the television.  At least once a visit Grandmom comments in disgust that all Grandpop does is sit on the couch and watch tv and yet he never gains a pound!  In Grandpop's defense, earlier in his retirement he also: barbequed the best rotisserie chickens ever; maintained the front and back lawns in golf-course-like perfection; vacuumed (including chasing the dog around with it, not out of malice but sheer fur anxiety); drove Grandmom around like a professional chauffeur; and messed around in the basement and the garage with assorted tools.  However, despite Grandpop's diminishing activity over the years, it is true that he still has never really put on weight, despite also having a notorious sweet tooth that can only be satisfied by glasses of Boost! with every meal and cake and coffee every night a couple of hours after dinner.  You know, so there's room.  It's enough to make any woman disgusted.