Mozzarella Cheese "Burgers"

Yes.  I am writing a blog post about the Holy Grail of vegetarian eating: the ground beef substitute that is satisfactory enough to be called a "burger" and not "flavorless stick patty" or "interesting and tasty concept but wildly divergent from any experience I have ever had of beef".  Of the two, I clearly prefer the latter, and have had some good vegetarian patties, both from small independent restaurants and from chains.  Black beans appear to make a pretty dang good pattie for a burger, especially if they are seasoned well.  However, in this case the alternative I am about to present to you will probably disappoint.  I have not concocted any new spin on the bean pattie.  I have not discovered some exotic plant compound that is exactly like ground beef yet contains no meat.  What I actually discovered: mozzarella cheese makes a darn good burger.  Call it a "burger" if it offends you to refer to what is basically a cheese sandwich as a true burger. 

How did this happen?

I had the fixings for a burger, having had a serious meat craving after a particularly strenuous exercise class and subsequently went on a spontaneous grocery store run still in sweaty work-out clothes to purchase the necessaries for satisfying this craving.  (FYI if you haven't eaten more than one or two helpings of meat a week for over six months, it's not a good idea to buy a pound package of ground turkey with the intention of destroying it in hamburger form.  It will not go well for you!  But I was way less sore than I have been after similar classes, so I may continue the tradition of protein-loading after the fact.)  Returning to the subject, all the aforementioned meat was gone, while I still had a ton of hamburger buns and toppings.  Enter the mozzarella cheese.  It was tasty!  And, more to the point, it tasted a lot like a real, actual burger.  Maybe because of the secret fact that we all take for granted if we grow up eating meat: meat, in itself, does not have a lot of flavor.  Don't get me wrong: it does have a flavor.  It's just not usually a strong flavor (unless we're talking about goat or lamb).  Mozzarella is a mild but toothsome cheese, especially when it is partially melted.  It does not overwhelm the burger fixings, while still contributing something to the whole.  And texture-wise, it does not lay down and become flaccid like most cheeses will when melted.  It fights back.  It has a bite!  Yes.  Like carrots in Bolognese sauce, it's actually a true and, if I may say so myself, a pretty good meat substitute.  With that, I give you:

Mozzarella Cheese "Burgers"
Per burger:
1 bun
a couple of slices of tomato
1-2 lettuce leaves
some onion (if that's your thing)
and...about 4 ounces of mozzarella cheese, cut into long strips.
(All of the things you love on your favorite burger would also be fine: portabella mushrooms, onion rings, BBQ sauce, avocado, whatever it is you like.  I just had the first four things.)

I don't know about the mechanics of grilling one of these.  Here are the stove-top directions: get all your fixings ready (ie tomato, lettuce, etc.).  Heat a small skillet over medium heat with just a dab of oil-- enough to brown the bun halves in.  Once the oil is hot enough, put the bun halves in face down.  While they're doing that, put your cheese slices on a plate and put them in the microwave.  (This is crucial.)  Microwave them for 10-15 seconds, or until they are just turning soft.  That way, when you put them on the bun in the pan, they will finish getting melty but will not turn into actual gooiness.  (Or, like mine did, get gooey in the microwave and require me to actually scrape my cheese off the plate and sculpt it onto the bun, with serious hang-over all around.)  Flip your bun halves over to face up.  Put the mozzarella slices on one half.  Put the fixings on top.  Put the top half of the bun on.  Grill the whole thing in the pan for another minute or so, until the cheese gets melty.  Enjoy.

Gingersnaps / Never Tell a 13-year-old that 1=0

Gingersnaps

3/4 C. butter
2 C. flour
1 C. sugar plus about 1/3 C. in a small bowl for coating
1 egg
2 tsp. soda
1 tsp. cinnamon
1/4 C. molasses
1 tsp. ginger

Preheat the oven to 350F.  Combine the dry ingredients.  Cream together the butter and sugar.  Beat in the eggs and molasses.  Combine the wet with the dry, kneading the dough a little by hand if needed to blend everything together into a uniform ball of dough.  Break off walnut-sized lumps of dough and roll them into small balls.  Roll each dough ball in the extra sugar and place about 1 inch apart on cookie sheets.  Bake at 350F for 12 minutes, or until the dough has set and puffed slightly.  Remove from the oven and let cool.  They are really done, I promise.  They will fall a little bit after you take them out, but that's normal-- if you leave them in the oven too long they will scorch and also be too hard.
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Never tell a 13-year-old that 1=0.  Okay, let's begin at the beginning.  Why would you never tell a 13-year-old that 1=0?  Because that person could be my mother.

It was the late '60s.  My mom was in high school.  Because she was bright, she was a little bit younger than the other kids.  She was in all the advanced classes.  One of the advanced classes was a science class (if she told me which one, I've forgotten).  In that science class, the teacher informed his class, as a piece of triviality, that anyone could shut down the most complicated computer by programming it with the information that 1=0.  Interesting, my mother thought.  I wonder if that's really true.  And she filed that one away. 

Flash forward to the very special field trip that some of the better students were taken on.  It was to one of the universities that had one of the newest computers in their research department.  My mother was on that field trip.  The computer took up a whole room.  (Remember, it was the late sixties.)  The grad students there were very excited to have these high school students to show around and tell all about their new exciting big fancy computer.  And then they made their fatal mistake.  They told those high school students that, for a short while, they could play around with it.  I mean, what could go wrong?  They weren't factoring in my mother.  All the time since that fateful science class my mother had been hoping to test her teacher's statement.  And so she did, neatly and correctly  entering it into the computer.

The grad students couldn't figure out what went wrong-- one moment there were a bunch of kids barely out of puberty playing with ENIAC Jr or whatever it was called, and then it suddenly shut off and wouldn't turn back on.  Because my mother acted like she had no idea what had happened.  Sadly, the field trip ended early. 

Blackberry Ice Cream Cordial

Blackberry Ice Cream Cordial

1 pint good blackberry ice cream
blackberry jam
butter cookies

Soften the ice cream.  Spoon it into 4 teacups or, if you have them (I did) small dessert molds.    Smooth the top, then drop a heaping spoonful of blackberry jam down the middle.  Smooth the top again.  Freeze.  When you're ready to serve them, prepare a bowl of hot water.  Dip each mold or teacup into the hot water for just a few seconds, then turn it over a dessert plate to unmold the ice cream.  Stick 2-3 butter cookies at jaunty angles in the top.  Shazaam, fancy dessert!  Serves 4.
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In retrospect, it would have been pretty good, and also jammier, to fill half a mold up, spread a layer of jam, then top off the mold with more ice cream.  I guess it depends how much jam you feel like you need in your life.  I admit to eating spoonfuls of the leftover jam straight out of the fridge.  (It's really good jam!)
I called this "Cordial", not because it has any cordial (ergo, blackberry-flavored wine) in it, but because I made it for a small dinner party with some friends, and so it was a "cordial" dessert.  Ha ha ha.  C'mon, laugh with me.  Call it whatever you want, it's basically a fancy ice cream.  I created this dessert so that I could make it ahead of time AND so I would NOT be left with acres of cake or cookies after the fact.  That way I could dedicate my time on the day of the dinner party on the "real" (non-sugar-based) food.  The secret to it all is to use really good versions of each of the ingredients.  I followed both of these principles, and as a result the whole dessert cost me about $10 to buy the ingredients and tasted really good.

Italian Rum Cake

2 small packages of instant chocolate pudding, made with 2 tsp. rum extract, or actual rum
2 small packages instant vanilla pudding, plain or made with 2 tsp. amaretto
chocolate jimmies (like what you put on top of ice cream)
2-3 packages of almond biscotti
1 carton of whipped topping, thawed
a jar of maraschino cherries

Cut the biscotti in half lengthwise and lay in a single layer on the bottom of a 9 x 13 inch glass baking dish.  Spread with the prepared vanilla instant pudding.  Lay another layer of biscotti over the top of the vanilla pudding.  Spread the prepared chocolate pudding over the top.  Cover and chill in refrigerator overnight, to allow the chocolate and vanilla puddings to soften the biscotti.  Immediately before serving, spread the whipped topping over the top.  Sprinkle liberally with the chocolate jimmies and rinsed maraschino cherries (so the totally unnatural but delicious red-dyed syrup doesn't stain your pretty white whipped topping).

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Italian Rum Cake is an interesting dish.  The best way to describe it is that it is what happens when a cook gets busy, only the cook is Italian.  I like it, and it makes a good dish for a party because it's attractive and easy to serve.  You really have to let it sit overnight, though!  Otherwise you will be crunching up pudding-coated biscotti, and this is supposed to be more like a cakey trifley kind of affair.

Pizzelles

zest of 1 orange
1 C.sugar
1-1/2 C. flour
6 eggs
1 C. oil + some for brushing onto plates of pizzelle iron
2 large Hershey bars, cut into strips about 1/4 inch*

A pizzelle iron**

Combine all ingredients except the chocolate.  Cook about 1 TB of batter per side in the pizzelle iron for a few seconds each.  (You can tell the pizzelle is done when the hissing subsides somewhat.)  Peel the pizzelles off the iron gently with a fork.  Immediately roll the pizzelle in a tube shape around a chocolate strip and set aside.  OR let cool flat.  Or, fill with something you like better, such as jam, raisin filling, etc.  Either way, let the pizzelles cool until crisp.  Dust with powdered sugar before storing.  Makes about 60.
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You can also flavor your pizzelles with: whisky or vanilla and still be "traditional".
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*Large Hersey chocolate bars are about the size of a graphing calculator.  IE, 17 cm x 7 cm.  The best way to cut perfect strips out of them is to microwave the chocolate bars for a few seconds, then slice with a large chopping knife.  If you're too impatient, or not that much of a perfectionist, cut them cold, they will break into uneven pieces, but at the end of the day the pizzelles will still taste good because the chocolate melts in the pizzelle when it's still hot anyway.

**A pizzelle iron can be its own thing, or a part of an electric waffle iron. I've heard of ones that were basically cast iron pans that you'd put on the stove, but the only ones I've ever used were electric waffle irons with reversible plates, meaning you could take the metal "waffle-shaped" plates out and on the backside was pizzelle molds, which look like round floral- or waffle-design pancakes, usually two to a plate, but occasionally four really small ones.  When using the electric pizzelle maker, have a dish towel at the ready, so that you can press down on the top of the lid once you've closed it.  That way the pizzelles cook better and you don't burn your hands on the metal or from the steam coming out of the sides! 

Date & Nut Bread

8 oz. package pitted dates, chopped
1 C. raisins
2 tsp. baking soda
1 C. boiling water
3 eggs
1 C. sugar
2 C. flour
1 tsp. vanilla
1 C. chopped walnuts
2 greased and floured 1-lb. coffee tins

Preheat oven to 350F.  Mix the dates, raisins, baking soda, and water together in a small bowl.  In another bowl, mix together eggs and sugar.  Add in the flour and vanilla.  Mix in the date and raisin mixture.  Fold in the nuts.  Pour the batter into the coffee tins and bake for 1 hour and 15 minutes, or until they pass the toothpick test.  When done, remove from the oven and let cool slightly.  To take bread out of coffee tins, use a can opener to take off the bottoms of the coffee tins.  Then gently push the cakes out of the tins.  For an extra special touch, make sandwiches by slicing the date & nut bread thinly, spreading one slice with whipped cream cheese, then topping it with a second slice.

Cod Fish Stew

1-2 onions, chopped
1-2 stalks celery, chopped
1/4 C. raisins
1/4 C. green olives, smashed
1 lb. salted cod (bacalao)
1 medium (14oz) can crushed tomatoes
2 medium potatoes, peeled and chopped
oil for sauteing

Soak the salted cod overnight.  Remove from water and drain.  In a soup pot, heat the oil over medium heat.  Add in the onions and celery.  Cook until half-done.  Add in the raisins and smashed green olives.  Continue cooking until onions and celery are soft.  Add in the can of crushed tomatoes and let cook for about 15 minutes.  Add in about a cup of water and the potatoes.  Let all simmer until the potatoes are nearly done (firm-tender).  Place the codfish, cut up into large chunks, on top of the contents of the pot, and let cook for about 15 more minutes or until the fish is done.  DO NOT STIR!  Or the codfish will break up.  Serve hot with slices of Italian bread.

Fish & Lemon Salad

Bacalao (salted cod), Blue Fish, or fish of your choice
2 lemons
1 onion
garlic to taste
peppermint leaves
olive oil

Boil fish, let cool.  Cut up one lemon, juice the other.  Slice the garlic and onion finely.  Break up the fish into bite-sized pieces.  Toss with lemon, onion, and garlic.  Drizzle olive oil over all.  Top with chopped peppermint leaves to taste.

Strufoli--Honey Clusters

Hot oil for deep frying
Butter for shaping

2 C. sifted flour
1/4 tsp. salt
3 eggs
1/2 tsp. vanilla
1 C. honey.  Yes, 1 whole cup.
1 TB. sugar
sprinkles of whatever color you prefer.  Mary F.J. Chiarello typically uses rainbow sprinkles, my favorite.

Mix together flour and salt in a large bowl.  Make a well, and add in the eggs one at a time, mixing slightly after each addition.  Add in vanilla.  Lightly knead into a soft dough.  Put the dough on a lightly floured surface and knead some more, just until the dough is smooth and elastic.  Divide in half.  For each half: roll out to 1/4" thick, then cut into 1/4" wide strips.  Roll each strip into a pencil shape/snake.  Cut each dough snake into pieces about 1/2" long.  Heat the oil until bubbly but not too hot.  (Yeah, I know this is super specific.  The best way to tell is to drop a test dough piece in.  The oil is the right temperature if the piece slowly puffs up and turns a golden brown in about 10-15 seconds.)  Put the dough pieces in a few dozen at a time, removing as they rise to the top and become golden brown on both sides.  As they do this, remove them from the oil and drain them on a plate lined with paper towels.  Once they are all done, set them aside.  In a separate deep saucepan, heat the honey and sugar together on low for about 5 minutes.  In a metal (or other heat-resistant bowl) stir together the hot honey and fried dough.  Put in the refrigerator and let cool and set about an hour.  Remove from the fridge and get out a plate or serving dish.  Butter your hands well, and then take handfuls of the honey clusters and shape them into the desired shape on  your plate.  When you've used all the clusters, liberally coat the outside with your sprinkles.

Some background info: the word "strufoli" literally means "beehive", which is descriptive of the shape you traditionally sculpt this dessert into.  (Think hut-shaped rope basket thingy.  Not the wooden boxes we typically keep bees in today.)  However, the shape of your strufoli is up to you.  The last time I made this with my grandmother, she suggested shaping it into a Christmas wreath and using red and green sprinkles! 

How you eat strufoli: strufoli is the original unhygienic party food.  You set your plate of strufoli out, and then everybody walks by snatching little pieces off and getting sticky until it's all gone.  Remember, this dessert came from the same people who kiss each other *on the mouth* as form of greeting.  If you can get past kissing your cigar-smoking great uncles on the mouth, you can eat strufoli.

Italian Cookies

6 C. flour
6 tsp. baking powder
1-1/2 sticks margarine
2 C. sugar
6 large eggs

Filling:
Apricot preserves
sliced almonds
raisins

Mix together flour and baking powder in a large bowl.  Blend in the margarine, sugar, and eggs by hand.  Cut the dough into 4 equal portions.  Doing one portion at a time, roll out the dough about 1/4" thick. 

To make sandwiches:
Cut equal numbers of round cookies out of the dough.  Spread a thin layer of apricot jam on the bottom half, leaving a 1/2" margin around the edges.  Sprinkle with the almonds and raisins.  Put the top half on.

To make biscotti:
Spread jam over intact rolled-out dough.  Sprinkle with almonds and raisins.  Roll up into a log shape.

Either way:
Moisten top of sandwiches or log with milk.  Sprinkle with seasonally appropriate confettis or colored sugars.  Place on a baking sheet and bake at 350F until light brown.  (About 10 minutes for sandwiches, about 20 for the log.)  For the biscotti, let the log cool before slicing into cookies.

Mary Febornia Julia Canduci Chiarello

Glazed Dutch Raisin Bread

Bread                                                                                            
2/3 C. hot water                                                                             
1/2 C. sugar                                                                                   
1/2 tsp. salt                                                                                   
1/2 stick margarine, softened
1/2 C. warm water
2 pkgs. active dry yeast
3/4 C. flour
1 C. raisins
1 egg

Glaze
1 C. confectioner's sugar
1 TB. milk
1/4 tsp. vanilla extract

Mix 2/3 C. hot water, sugar, salt, and margerine together; let cool until lukewarm.  Dissolve yeast 1/2 C. warm water.  Combine together two water mixtures, then stir in egg, then flour, then raisins.  Beat all until well-blended, about 2 minutes.  Cover, and let rise in a warm place until more than doubled in size, about 50 minutes.  Punch dough down and beat vigorously by hand about 75 strokes, then turn into a greased 1-1/2 quart casserole pan.  Bake at 400 degrees Fahrenheit for 45 minutes or until golden on top.  Let cool and turn onto a plate.  Beat glaze ingredients together until smooth and shiny.  Pour glaze over top of bread and let it drip down the sides.

Mary Febornia Julia Canduci Chiarello

Pickled Mushrooms

2 6oz. cans mushroom crowns, drained
1/3 C. red wine vinegar
1/3 C. oil
1 onion, thinly sliced into rings
1 tsp. salt
2 tsp. dried parsley
1 tsp. prepared mustard
1 TB. brown sugar

In a small saucepan, combine vinegar, oil, salt, parsley, mustard, and brown sugar.  Bring to a boil.  Add mushrooms, simmer 5-6 minutes.  Chill in a covered bowl several hours, stirring occasionally, to allow the flavors to soak in.  Drain before serving.

Mary Febornia Julia Canduci Chiarello