Yes, I just went there. Ever since I saw the music video which [spoiler alert] features Psy on the toilet [end spoiler], "Gangnam Style" has been my version of "Like a boss". Which, I guess, was the point. It's true. I go around the house at times sounding like a bad impersonation of Kim Jong Il. Returning to the subject, polenta is my new favorite meat substitute. In order of likelihood, I will address your violent protests. "But it doesn't hardly have any protein!" Please. When was the last time you chowed down on some plain tofu with salt and pepper for the sheer protein quality? Thank you. I would posit that the majority of the protein in a typical low-meat diet comes from: eggs, cheese, and beans. And, according to some, kale. But not me. You will not find me "on the kale trail", as I once heard someone put it. Ok, that's really the only protest I could think up. But hear me out: it takes on the flavor of whatever you put it in, much like tofu, while itself having a pleasing texture and taste (especially if you make it with a savory broth), unlike tofu. It also holds its shape remarkably well, also like tofu. And, completely unlike tofu, it is both cheap and easy to make in your own kitchen in a short amount of time. With all that being said, I present to you my tutorial of how to make polenta. I offer it as a recipe AND tutorial because the recipe I used was somewhat vague and, at the time, I was totally unsure if I was over- or undercooking my polenta. (I wasn't. It turned out delicate and firm at the same time, unlike polenta I have had in the past that was dense and grainy.) So here we go:
Polenta Gangnam Style
1-1/2 C. yellow corn meal (extra style points if it's non-GMO)
5 C. water or broth
1 tsp. salt
1-2 TB. cooking oil
more water
First: put your broth or water on the stove (aka the five cups-worth) and turn the unit on high so it will come to a rapid boil. Then, whisk together your salt and cornmeal, then two cups of water (aka the "more water"). When the water or broth on the stove comes to a boil, dump all your water/cornmeal mixture into it in one go and whisk it rapidly while it's boiling to eliminate and also prevent any lumps. Next, turn the heat on the stove down to medium, or even medium low. You don't want to evaporate the water too fast. Because that, my friends, is purpose A of the cooking of polenta: evaporating off the excess water. Purpose B is to denature the corn proteins so that your finished product "sets". Kind of like jello, which is made from animal proteins. Geddit? So, your role, once you've turned the stove Bwn, is to stand in front of your pot wearing your thickest skin or long sleeves and prepare to try not to get splattered by boiling hot proto-polenta while you stir it continuously (stir always in the same direction because that will help you not get splattered as much, especially as the polenta gets closer to being finished) for thirty minutes OR UNTIL DONE.
Yes, I threw down the "until done" card. I already broke one rule and mentioned organic chemistry in this post with the protein denaturing, so I might as well go all out. Organic chemistry and "until done" do kind of go together, maybe because food is made mainly of organic compounds. Unlike non-organic chemistry, which tend to happen on a predictable and invariable schedule, organic reactions happen as a law unto themselves. So it is with cooking. Sometimes "done" might be shorter than thirty minutes, sometimes it might be longer. You just kind of have to eyeball it.
So, what does "until done" look like, since eyeballing it is your best bet? Well, first of all, you will have reduced the volume in your pot to about half what you started with. But that's not all, because that will happen considerably before your polenta is really done. But when that happens, it's time to really watch while you're stirring. So basically, as you stir and stir you will notice that the surface of the polenta will start to become glossy. Also, you will notice that, as you stir, instead of the bubbles that form popping and splattering, they will rupture and deflate without splashing and with the majority of the bubble remaining intact. At this point, I leave it up to you. When you feel that your polenta is nice and thick and creamy, pour it into a greased pan and let it set, which will take around 15-20 minutes. At this point you'll be able to slice it. Enjoy!
Polenta Gangnam Style
1-1/2 C. yellow corn meal (extra style points if it's non-GMO)
5 C. water or broth
1 tsp. salt
1-2 TB. cooking oil
more water
First: put your broth or water on the stove (aka the five cups-worth) and turn the unit on high so it will come to a rapid boil. Then, whisk together your salt and cornmeal, then two cups of water (aka the "more water"). When the water or broth on the stove comes to a boil, dump all your water/cornmeal mixture into it in one go and whisk it rapidly while it's boiling to eliminate and also prevent any lumps. Next, turn the heat on the stove down to medium, or even medium low. You don't want to evaporate the water too fast. Because that, my friends, is purpose A of the cooking of polenta: evaporating off the excess water. Purpose B is to denature the corn proteins so that your finished product "sets". Kind of like jello, which is made from animal proteins. Geddit? So, your role, once you've turned the stove Bwn, is to stand in front of your pot wearing your thickest skin or long sleeves and prepare to try not to get splattered by boiling hot proto-polenta while you stir it continuously (stir always in the same direction because that will help you not get splattered as much, especially as the polenta gets closer to being finished) for thirty minutes OR UNTIL DONE.
Yes, I threw down the "until done" card. I already broke one rule and mentioned organic chemistry in this post with the protein denaturing, so I might as well go all out. Organic chemistry and "until done" do kind of go together, maybe because food is made mainly of organic compounds. Unlike non-organic chemistry, which tend to happen on a predictable and invariable schedule, organic reactions happen as a law unto themselves. So it is with cooking. Sometimes "done" might be shorter than thirty minutes, sometimes it might be longer. You just kind of have to eyeball it.
So, what does "until done" look like, since eyeballing it is your best bet? Well, first of all, you will have reduced the volume in your pot to about half what you started with. But that's not all, because that will happen considerably before your polenta is really done. But when that happens, it's time to really watch while you're stirring. So basically, as you stir and stir you will notice that the surface of the polenta will start to become glossy. Also, you will notice that, as you stir, instead of the bubbles that form popping and splattering, they will rupture and deflate without splashing and with the majority of the bubble remaining intact. At this point, I leave it up to you. When you feel that your polenta is nice and thick and creamy, pour it into a greased pan and let it set, which will take around 15-20 minutes. At this point you'll be able to slice it. Enjoy!
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