Fresh Tomato Sauce

28 oz can crushed tomatoes
28 oz can pureed tomatoes
2-3 whole fresh tomatoes, chopped
1/2 an eggplant, cubed (optional)
1 green bell pepper, chopped
1 onion
1/3 lb Italian sausage (optional)
salt and pepper to taste
2 cloves garlic, minced
2-3 TB. olive oil

In a medium soup pot, heat the olive oil and saute the garlic until it begins to be aromatic.  Add in the onions, bell pepper, and eggplant; saute a little longer.  Add in the fresh tomato and bring all to a simmer.  Add in the canned tomatoes (both kinds).  Bring to a simmer.  Add in the sausage.  Cover and cook at a low, low simmer for 1-2 hours, stirring occasionally to prevent scorching.  YUM.

Pasta with Asparagus

1/2 lb pasta, cooked (makes about 4 servings)
1 bunch fresh asparagus, cut into 3-4 inch-long sections
1 C. chicken broth*
grated parmesan cheese
1 clove garlic, minced
oil for sauteing

Cook the pasta.  Set aside.  Heat the oil in the bottom of a deep saucepan.  Saute the garlic until it starts to become aromatic.  Put in the asparagus and saute a little longer.  Add in the chicken stock and reduce the heat until the stock is just simmering.  Cover and let cook until the asparagus is tender, about 10-15 minutes.  Put the cooked pasta in the pan with the asparagus and toss to coat.  Remove all (including broth) to a serving dish.  Top with grated parmesan cheese and toss to coat.  Once it is served onto plates, you can add more parmesan on top if you prefer to. 

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This recipe is so simple, and is about as authentic as you can get.  Grandmom told me that when she was growing up, most nights of the week her mother would fix pasta with a vegetable...because they were poor!  But it is also extremely healthy, and tasty, as attested by the fact that she still fixes that kind of dish today even though she is definitely not poor anymore.

*As for the chicken broth, if you are vegetarian you have a number of options, which include purchasing and using your own favorite brand of vegetable-based stock.  I personally used to have a pretty good recipe at one time, but even though I lost it I can tell you that making a broth exclusively out of bouquet garni, salt and pepper, celery, onions, and carrots tastes pretty much identical to a chicken stock made with the same.  I have heard that miso makes a good savory broth as well.  I haven't tried it, but I do like miso soup, or sometimes even as a hot beverage!!

Cherry Biscotti

So, I thought I would provide info on the cherry biscotti that made it into the picture of the Walnut Snowballs!  It's really easy:

Make a batch of dough for the anise toast, leaving out the anise extract.  You can omit it entirely--or--substitute vanilla extract if you want.  Coarsely chop about 2/3 C. dried cherries.  In a small bowl, mix together the dried cherries and about 1/4 C. sugar.  Divide your dough into two portions.  Put both portions on a lightly-greased baking sheet.  (They will both fit on one.  Do the filling and shaping on the baking sheet rather than on a work surface because the dough is fairly soft and otherwise it would take some serious coordination to keep them from falling apart midair while you were attempting to transfer them.)  Pat each portion out into an oval about 8 inches long by 4 inches wide by 1 inch thick.  Pat half of the cherry-sugar mixture on top.  Roll up the dough jellyroll-fashion.  Pat into a loaf about 10 inches long by 2-3 inches thick by 3 inches wide.  Repeat for the other half of the dough.  Bake as directed for the anise toast, including the slicing and retoasting part.  My experience making this is that you want to let your baked loaves rest about 5-10 minutes (it's okay if they get a little cool) before trying to slice them and toast the slices.  They'll hold up better and be less likely to crumble when you're cutting them.  The ones in the picture turned out really crispy and flavorful!  They are good for dipping in coffee, but are not hard, so you can eat them by themselves also.

Bowknot Cookies

Dough
water
12 eggs
24 TB. sugar*
1 C. orange juice
13 C. flour
12 tsp. baking powder
2-1/4 C. shortening

Icing
2 lbs XXX sugar
juice of 2 oranges
juice of 2 lemons

Rainbow jimmies, or jimmies of your color preference**

Melt shortening.  Mix with eggs, vanilla, 24 TB. sugar, 1 C. juice, baking powder, and flour.  Knead with your hands until workable-- the dough should be smooth and elastic.  Roll small pieces of the dough into snakes, then twist into knots or pretzel shapes.  Bake on ungreased cookie sheets at 350F for 8 minutes or until lightly browned.  Remove from baking sheets onto sheets of waxed paper and let cool.  Mix together the icing ingredients and spoon over the cookies to coat them.  (Some will run down the sides onto the waxed paper, but that what it's there for.)  If desired, sprinkle them with the jimmies while the icing is still wet.  Allow the icing to dry uncovered overnight before storing to allow it time to harden.  Makes 400 cookies.  (Each cookie is about the size of the walnut.)
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*Why, you ask, are the measurements in this recipe impossible units like "24 tablespoons of sugar"?  Because the only way my mom could get the recipe off of Great-grandmom Canduci was to watch her while she made it.  She, in the time-honored tradition of Italian women, practiced the "dump and eyeball" method of cooking, a tradition still alive today in the best kitchens.  (Think about it: do you ever see a participant on "Top Chef" or "Chopped" cautiously measuring out exactly 2 teaspoons of salt?)  However, it's kind of hard to convey this in print.  So, my mom sat and counted dumps.

**One of my first memories of college life (several years ago) is my first roommate's boyfriend.  He had come over to our room to visit her and help her set up a toy bear that rode a toy unicycle across a length of fishing line.  It was a pretty neat toy, but don't ask me why she wanted it in her dorm room.  Regardless, the bear had a tendency to slip off the fishing line and have unfortunate accidents with the area that, had he been a real bear, would have contained reproductive properties.  Us all being about eighteen years old, her boyfriend took great joy in saying, in a gravelly voice that was supposed to be the bear's voice, that he wanted my roommate to knock him off the fishing line.  "KICK ME IN THE JIMMIES!" he (the boyfriend) crowed and, of course, we all laughed hysterically.  Did I mention that we were eighteen?  In fact, I think he was nineteen and a mighty sophomore in that Hall of Learning.  Anyway, jimmies, besides being the gonads of a toy bear, are also small cylinder-shaped candies used for sprinkling onto desserts and particularly ice cream. 

Apricot Cookies

2 sticks of butter or margarine, softened
6 oz. cream cheese, softened
2 C. flour
Jar of apricot preserves
powdered sugar for dusting

Mix together the butter or margarine, flour, and cream cheese.  (I usually combine the butter and cream cheese, then do the flour.)  Knead it Italian-style.  IE get your hands dirty.  So dirty.  And sticky.  It's part of the process, I swear.  Scrape your hands off and lay your dough on a floured surface.  Knead it a little further if necessary to get it to a workable consistency, adding additional flour if needed.  Roll the dough to 1/4th to 1/8th inch thick.  Cut into 2-inch squares.*  Place 1/4 tsp. preserves in the center of each.**  Fold two opposite points inward to make a roll with points for ends.  Bake at 350F for 12 minutes or until golden.  Remove from the oven and dust liberally with powdered sugar.
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*The way Grandmom does this is to use what is popularly known as a pizza cutter but which actually is meant to cut pastry.  You know, the wheel-shaped blade with a handle.  It works like a dream, whatever you want to call it.  I don't own one, so I use a sharp knife, which works almost as well.

**I know this sounds like an infinitesimally small  amount of jelly, and to be honest I do not personally get out a 1/4 tsp. measuring spoon to do the job, but you really do NOT want to put too much jelly in a cookie.  The reason is this: ovens are hot, and when jelly gets hot, it will run all over the place like a merry little flood of sugar.  Sometimes it's so pleased with itself that it actually catches on fire.  I know.  Don't we all wish we could be alight with joy.  But countertops are cold, and the jelly, now coating your pan, returns to its original lugubrious or new blackened state.  (Hey, it takes a lot of energy to be on fire.)  I will satisfy your curiosity right now: it is a B*%#@ to clean up burnt-on jelly.  So when you're filling your cookies, use a regular teaspoon and get just enough jelly to be a little tiny dab on the very tip.  Scrape that off into the center of your cookie.  There.  Perfect.

Cherry Biscotti, Walnut Snowballs, & Gingersnaps

These walnut snowballs actually have less powdered sugar than I usually put on them.  I got kind of busy pulling things in and out of the oven and missed a crucial step, which I will now emphasize to you: dredging the snowballs in the bowl of powdered sugar immediately after they come out of the oven.  The powdered sugar you dust over them later sticks better to a good initial coating of dredged powdered sugar, and the initial dredging sticks better if the cookies are still a little steamy from the oven.  (Since they have so much butter in them they end up a very crisp cookie with an almost-non-existant moisture content once they cool.)  These one still tasted good, though!

Ricotta Pie

Crust1/2 C. unseasoned breadcrumbs
1/4 C. butter

Filling
1 C. golden raisins
1/2 C. flour
zest of 1 orange
zest of 1 lemon
2 15oz. containers of ricotta cheese or 2 recipes-worth of fresh ricotta cheese
1 C. sugar
1 tsp. salt
1 tsp. vanilla
6 eggs

8-inch* springform pan

Using the butter, grease the inside of the springform pan generously.  Swirl the breadcrumbs around inside to coat.  In a mixing bowl, combine the raisins and flour, then blend in the zests.  Set aside.  In a separate bowl, mix together the ricotta cheese, sugar, salt, and vanilla.  Add in the eggs one at a time.  Fold in the raisin mixture and stir to combine, the pour all into your prepared pan.  Heat the oven to 350F and bake for 60-70 minutes.  (It will not look like it is done.)  Set it out to cool, then slice and serve.
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Grandmom was kind of unclear about the correct size of pan.  She did say that the pie should come about halfway up the sides of the pan when you pour it in.  Otherwise, the pie will be a little tough when it bakes because the filling is too thin in the pan.

Fresh Ricotta Cheese--makes about 2 cups

8 C. whole milk
1 tsp. salt
3 TB. lemon juice (fresh tastes best, of course, which would be the equivalent of the juice of 1 whole lemon)

Bring the milk and salt to a boil in a heavy and deep saucepan over medium-high heat.  Stir in the lemon juice and reduce the heat so that the mixture is simmering.  Let simmer until curds form, 1-2 minutes.  Scoop the curds out of the pan and place in a colander lined with 4 layers of cheesecloth.  Place colander over the sink (or a pan if you want to keep the whey for its protein content to use in baked goods) and let it drain about a minute.  Transfer curds to a storage container and use within a week.

Bean & Pasta Soup / Cross-Cultural Family Fighting

1/2 C. uncooked small pasta*
1 C. canned or precooked kidney or garbanzo beans
2 C. chicken broth
1 onion, chopped
3 fresh tomatoes, chopped
1/2 C. cooked lima beans

Combine all ingredients in a soup pot.  Cook until pasta is tender.  If desired, serve topped with grated parmesan cheese and a teaspoonful of white wine.
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*By "small pasta", I mean any pasta shape that is pretty much bite-sized.  I don't know all the names of all the pasta varieties, but the ones my Grandmom uses most often are: stars, acini de pepe, elbows, and orzo.  Acini de pepe are little dots, kind of.  I pesonally am also fond of cooking with conchiglie and mostaccioli.  (Mini shells and mustaches!!!)

This is one of those Italian recipes where you can pretty much put in whatever you want to.  Therefore it is also one of those recipes where Italian mothers and daughters (and granddaughters, and greatgrandmothers) fight about mid-stove. 

Mother: NO!  You put in white kidney beans!  Otherwise is chili! 
Daughter: (Loooong, drawn-out sigh from daughter). 
Mother: OK, I see you no care how I feel!  (tears begin to glisten suggestively in mother's eyes)
Daughter: Look, the world is not going to end if I put in light red kidney beans.
Mother: FINE, do what you want!
Daughter: FINE!  I'LL STRAIN OUT THE RED KIDNEY BEANS!
Mother: No, no throw away!  Must not waste!  (tears mysteriously are now gone)
Daughter: (Innocent tone) Oh, ok, I see.  Well, the red ones are ok then?

Yes.  This soup is technically a quick meal, but it could take all day. In the end, no one will be poisoned by the wrong color of kidney bean, the mother will compliment the daughter on her cooking, the daughter will heave a sigh of relief and victory, and lunch will be heartily enjoyed by all.

Italian Rum Cake

2 small packages of instant chocolate pudding, made with 2 tsp. rum extract, or actual rum
2 small packages instant vanilla pudding, plain or made with 2 tsp. amaretto
chocolate jimmies (like what you put on top of ice cream)
2-3 packages of almond biscotti
1 carton of whipped topping, thawed
a jar of maraschino cherries

Cut the biscotti in half lengthwise and lay in a single layer on the bottom of a 9 x 13 inch glass baking dish.  Spread with the prepared vanilla instant pudding.  Lay another layer of biscotti over the top of the vanilla pudding.  Spread the prepared chocolate pudding over the top.  Cover and chill in refrigerator overnight, to allow the chocolate and vanilla puddings to soften the biscotti.  Immediately before serving, spread the whipped topping over the top.  Sprinkle liberally with the chocolate jimmies and rinsed maraschino cherries (so the totally unnatural but delicious red-dyed syrup doesn't stain your pretty white whipped topping).

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Italian Rum Cake is an interesting dish.  The best way to describe it is that it is what happens when a cook gets busy, only the cook is Italian.  I like it, and it makes a good dish for a party because it's attractive and easy to serve.  You really have to let it sit overnight, though!  Otherwise you will be crunching up pudding-coated biscotti, and this is supposed to be more like a cakey trifley kind of affair.

Raisin Nut Rolls

Dough
1 C. butter, softened
1/2 C. sugar
1 egg
2/3 C. flour + extra if needed*
1 tsp. baking powder
8 oz. sour cream
Confectioner's Sugar for kneading and dusting**

Filling
1/2 C. raisins
2 C. chopped pecans
1-1/2 C. apricot jelly
1 tsp. cinnamon
1/2 C. sugar

Cream together the butter and sugar.  Add in the egg.  Add in the dry ingredients and sour cream in alternation.  The dough will be sticky and loose.  Divide into two or three portions, wrap each portion in waxed paper, and chill them overnight in the refrigerator.  The day of baking, combine all the filling ingredients in a bowl.  Take one portion at a time out of the refrigerator and roll on a work surface sprinkled with confectioner's sugar until about 1/4-inch thick.  Cut the dough into 2 inch squares.  Place a small amount of filling in the center of each square and roll it up like a rolled thing.  (A burrito, a newspaper, a handmade cigarette, whatever image works for you.)  Place the rolls on an ungreased baking sheet and bake at 350F for 15 minutes.  (They should be flaky when done, but they will not really turn brown, much like the walnut snowballs.)  Let cool slightly, then dust liberally with confectioner's sugar.
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*I always end up needing to add more flour to this recipe, and I have never written down exactly how much that is.  Basically, the consistency of the dough should be extremely soft and gooey, but should hold a shape for at least half a minute after released.  Ergo, if you shmursh it (I made that word up) into a round shape, it should immediately start to ooze somewhat back into its natural shapelessness, but it shouldn't ooze and gush all around your fingers while you're still trying to make it be round.  IE, it should be more solid than liquid.  This is a dough that, because of its high fat content, is very tender.  It pretty much has to be chilled to be workable at all.  So, to sum it all up, you probably will need to add about 1/2 C. to 3/4 C. more flour.  I wish I could be more specific!

**Confectioner's sugar, XXX sugar, XXXX sugar, 10X sugar, whatever you call it, is needed to the amount of 2 C. total for this recipe.  I'm not saying you'll use all if it, but just have that much on hand.  As for the kneading, a baker trick that works for some cookies (but not all) is to dust your work surface with confectioner's sugar instead of flour.  Instead of making your cookies breadier and less flavorful, it actually makes them better, plus it improves workability nearly as well as flour.

Anise Toast

2 C. flour
3/4 C. sugar
2 tsp. baking powder
3 large eggs, lightly beaten
1/2 C. vegetable oil
1 tsp. anise extract

Preheat oven to 375F.  Mix together dry ingredients.  Make a well and add in the wet ingredients.  Mix together with your fingers until well-blended; the dough should be sticky.  Make two 10-inch long loaves.  Bake on a lightly-greased baking sheet for 10-15 minutes or until the edges are lightly browned.  Remove from the oven (leaving the oven on!!) and let cool about 5 minutes, then slice into 1/4-to-1/2 inch slices.  (Ergo, if you like your toast crisper, slice them thinner, if not, slice them 1/2 inch thick.  They should look like long strips either way.)  Return the toast strips to the baking pan and bake them until they are golden on one side, then turn and bake until golden on the other side.  Cool and store in an airtight container.  Makes about 24 anise cookies.

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Anise toast is what Italian babies were teethed on before baby product companies caught on that they could sell teethers and people would buy them.  FYI Anise toast is cheaper and healthier than the blue goo in the teether (should the baby, you know, actually bite the teether and get at it).  If you don't want your baby to get tooth decay before she even gets teeth, instead of giving her anise toast wrap an ice cube in a washcloth.  Problem solved, no blue goo, no chokeable parts, NO MONEY SPENT.  Oh yeah, you can also dip anise toast in your coffee if you already have teeth and you like the taste of anise.  Which I do.

Fried Eggplant

1 large eggplant, cut into rounds or strips 1/2 inch thick
1 C. milk
1 C. flour
1 TB. oil
1 tsp. onion salt
1 egg
some grated parmesan cheese (optional)
salt and pepper to taste
oil for frying
1 C. Italian-seasoned breadcrumbs* (optional)

Mix together the flour, onion salt, salt and pepper in a pie plate.  In a separate pie plate, mix together the egg, milk, and 1 TB. oil.  If you opt for the breadcrumbs, put them in their own pie plate.  Heat the oil for frying in a skillet over medium heat.  The oil is hot enough when a drop of water in the pan sizzles.  Made a row of the pie plates on the counter leading up to the skillet in the following order: flour, egg mixture, breadcrumbs.  Put the eggplant plate before the flour.  Take a fork and pick up a piece of eggplant.  Dip the eggplant in the flour on both sides.  Then dunk it in the egg mixture.  Then dunk it either back in the flour mixture (if you're not using breadcrumbs) or in the breadcrumbs.  Do this to enough eggplant pieces to make a single layer with some wiggle room in the skillet.  Fry until golden and crispy on both sides.  Drain on a plate lined with paper towels.  Repeat until all eggplant is fried.  If you so choose, sprinkle the fried eggplant with parmesan cheese.
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This recipe is for fried eggplant, but you can fry a lot of vegetables this way and come out with a tasty main dish, side dish, or sandwich filling.  Yes, leftover fried eggplant in a good roll with maybe some ketchup is a delicious lunch, in my opinion at least.  Basically, all summer squashes work well, and one time I accidentally fried cucumber this way and it was good too.  (Hey, cucumbers and zucchini look a lot alike.)
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Italian breadcrumbs is a product that you can buy in the store under the same name, but you could also make them pretty easily.  All you'd need is: stale bread, dried parsley, dried oregano, salt, and pepper.  And the will to smash the bread up in a plastic bag with a rolling pin.  Shazam, homemade breadcrumbs!

Ok, I just couldn't resist.

I have decided to open an exclusive restaurant in the heart of the Gulch.  It will have a modern, urban ambience and provide space for small or large groups as well as events.  The menu will be authentic American food prepared with the class and experience of world-renowned chefs who spent several months under the tutelage of actual American cooks so that they could capture the essence and flavors of traditional American cuisine.

The initial menu will consist of:

Milled peanut essence with concord grape gastrique, all served on top of rustic sourdough    18

Hand-crafted pasta with gruyere and colby cream sauce    15

House-made gelee of chicken stock with aged celery and sea salt.    12

Butter-walnut tarts with dark chocolate.    8

And that, my friends, is called "polishing a turd."

Stuffed Artichokes (with meat)

2 whole fresh artichokes
1/2 lb ground beef--or--about 1 C. finely crushed italian-seasoned bread crumbs*
8 oz. tomato sauce
1/2 tsp. salt
1/4 tsp. pepper
1/4 tsp. oregano
1 stalk celery, minced
1/2 of an onion, minced
cooking oil

Preheat oven to 350F.  Clean the artichokes and cut the prickers off the tips of the leaves, then slice the bottoms flat so that they will sit up in the baking dish.  Remove the heart.  In a skillet, saute the celery and onion.  Drain.  Brown the beef.  Add in the remaining ingredients to the skillet, excepting the tomato sauce.  Let the meat mixture cool slightly, then press walnut- (or so) sized portions into the concave portion of each leaf.  Place the artichokes in a greased baking pan, then spoon any remaining meat filling and the tomato sauce over the top.  Place another baking pan half-filled with water into the bottom rack of the oven.  Place the pan with the artichokes on the other oven rack, placed in the middle rung of the oven.  Bake them for 20 minutes, or until the artichokes are tender.
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How to eat a stuffed artichoke:  Each person gets one artichoke.  Pull one leaf at a time off your artichoke and suck the meat filling off the leaf.  Grab the leaf between your teeth and tear off the plant flesh, leaving a fibrous and inedible outer skin behind.  (I don't know how else to describe it.)  Repeat.  I include this information so that the uninformed will not be tempted to think that the artichoke is just a fancy holder for ground beef and not an actual part of the dish.  You're supposed to eat the artichoke too.  It's a process that is messy and involved and possibly requires an adult bib, like when you're eating lobster or just have big boobs and don't want to go through life wearing your lunch on your chest.

Stuffed Artichokes (with breadcrumbs)

4 qts.+ 1/2 C. water 1 whole lemon
1 lg. can tomato sauce (not spaghetti sauce)
1 C. olive oil
4 whole artichokes
2 C. Italian breadcrumbs
2 TB. parmesan cheese
1 clove garlic
1 medium onion

Preheat oven to 350F.  Bring the 4qts. of water to a boil.  Prepare the artichokes by washing them, then cutting off the stalk at the base, as well as the sharp points or “claws” at the tips of the leaves.  Rub all cut ends with a half of the lemon.  Boil the artichokes and the lemon halves for 10 minutes.  Meanwhile, combine the breadcrumbs, cheese, 1/2 C. water, 1/2 C. of oil, garlic, and onion (both finely chopped).  Remove the artichokes from the water and all them to sit until they are cool enough to handle.  At this point, open up the artichoke from the top down (sort of like a blooming rose) and, at this time, scoop out the fibrous heart of the artichoke.  Stuff each leaf with a small amount of the breadcrumb mixture as well as the cavity left by the removal of the artichoke heart.  Put a thin layer of the tomato sauce in the bottom of a baking dish.  Then place the artichokes in the dish, and spoon the rest of the breadcrumb mixture into the gaps left between the stuffed artichokes.  Spoon the remaining tomato sauce over all.  Drizzle lightly with olive oil, then cover and bake for 1 hour.

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This recipe is very nearly the definitive refutation to the idea that all Italians eat is variations on pasta with cheese and meat sauce.  I don't know what it is about good Italian food, but it is both cheap and easy to prepare and hard to find in a restaurant.  Yet artichokes, for example, remain the ingredient du jour.  Put "artichoke" in the name on the menu and it's like calling a purse a Hermes.  But go to a so-called "Italian" restaurant and your options are spaghetti with meat sauce, lasagna with meat sauce and, for variety, pasta alfredo.  In most metropolitan areas there are imitations and the real thing for a wide variety of national cuisines, and there are typically positive attributes to both.  I would be lying if I said Chinese take-out was not high on my list of comfort foods.  But at the same time, even little ol' Nashville has a restaurant or so that serves the real deal, as well as several other that provide other relatively authentic (as based on my observation of the clientele) asian national cuisines, such as Thai and Korean.  Yet for Italian food, I have not yet been to an American city (outside of the Northeast) that has anything other than low-priced Italian knock-offs and the same Italian knock-offs at a much higher price.  I don't know how the expensive restauranteurs get away with it.  For context, this is the same situation as if there were about 30 large, expensive, heavily-ambienced restaurants in town that served exclusively macaroni and cheese, peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, and canned chicken noodle soup.  With chocolate chip cookies for dessert.  There should seriously be a Jamie Oliver-style Italian food revolution.

The Italian Knead

The Italian Knead is a technique shown to me by Grandmom that is the way that most traditional Italian baked goods and pastas are mixed.  It ensures complete incorporation of your liquid/fat/egg with the flour, without overkneading (which would result in a tough baked good/pasta).  So basically what you do is make a well in your dry ingredients, either in the bowl or on a tabletop, and dump your wet ingredients in there.  (I'm including butter as a wet ingredient.)  Then, stick your (clean, washed) hands in there and squish it like a toddler who isn't sure he's really into eating his food, but likes the way it feels when he squishes it between his fingers.  Seriously.  Squishing it between your clenched fingers is an integral part of this process.  Anyway, squish and squish and squish until your two sets of ingredients now make a homegeous dough that is workable.  At this point use both hands to mush the dough (which should still be a little loose) into a rough ball.  Pick that ball up and, holding it in the palm of one hand, slap it with the palm of your other hand, turning the ball around to present a new surface for slapping every third slap or so.  (It's hard to be a dough no matter which method you use!)  The purpose of this is to force out any air bubbles lurking inside the center of the dough and further blend together the ingredients.  (For anybody who likes to make ceramic pots, this is exactly the same process you use when you are preparing your clay for throwing.)  Now your dough is ready to be shaped and baked!

Meatballs

4 slices bread, torn into small pieces
1/2 C. water
2 eggs
1lb ground meat, beef or pork
1.4 C. grated parmesan or romano cheese
2 TB. chopped fresh parsley
1 tsp. salt
1/4 tsp. oregano
dash pepper
tomato sauce of your choice for stewing (3-4 C. worth)

Soak bread in the water for 2-3 minutes.  In a separate bowl, blend together (traditionally using the Italian Knead) the eggs, ground meat, cheese, parsley, and spices.  Then mix in the bread.  Form into balls, then brown in oil in a deep skillet over medium-high heat, then allow to stew for 15-30 minutes in the tomato sauce over medium-low heat.

Walnut Snowballs

1 C. butter, yes butter, only butter, don't even think of substituting
1/2 C. confectioner's sugar, plus plenty for dusting later on
1 tsp. vanilla
2-1/4 C. flour
1/4 tsp. salt
3/4 C. finely chopped walnuts (but you could use any tree nut and it would probably be just as good)

Cream together the butter, sugar, and vanilla.  In a separate bowl, mix together the flour and salt.  Using the Italian Knead*, blend together the wet and dry ingredients.  Mix in the nuts.  Form the dough into a ball and let it chill in the refrigerator (not overnight, just a couple of hours until it's a bit firmer).  Preheat the oven to 400F.  Roll walnut-sized balls of dough and place on an ungreased baking sheet.  (They have enough butter in them that they don't really need the sheet to be greased.)  Bake for 10-12 minutes or until set, probably with fine cracks showing in the surface of the balls, but not browned.  (Some of them may get a tiny tiny suntan, but they should basically be the same color as when they went into the oven.  Trust me on this one.)  Remove from the oven and roll in a bowl filled with more powdered sugar.  Let cool slightly, then dust with still more powdered sugar.  Makes about 60 small cookies.
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So, to cap off my baking trials and tribulations of the weekend, I leave you with one decent recipe.  This recipe has been in the family for at least 50 years.  The product is a buttery, sweet, nutty delight that is both crisp and melts in your mouth.  So yes, it's one of my favorite holiday cookies.

Baking Fixes

So, as a result of my Pinza Bertoldese and Liebkuchen debaucle of a few days ago, I now have some wisdom to impart regarding baked goods that do not initially turn out as desired.  (Do not view this as alegorical relationship advice as well: I stand by my original claim that when dating a diabolical boyfriend, the best approach is to quit while you're not too far behind.  Although putting your awful boyfriend in a plastic bag or soaking him in rum might be amusing, it is also morally wrong or at least wildly ineffective.) 

Liebkuchen (cookies that were too hard)
Put the cookies in three layers or so in an airtight container.  A plastic storage container is what I used, but a metal breadbox or a plastic bag that your loaf of bread or something similar would probably also work.  In between the layers put: thinly sliced apple.  Why thinly-sliced?  Well, originally I used apple sections (about 1/8 of an apple) and some of my cookied became a little soggy.  Result?  Not perfection, but definitely edible cookies, which is better than what I had two days ago.

Pinza Bertoldese (cakes that were slightly burnt and not sweet enough)
The original recipe called for a glaze made of warm honey mixed with rum.  Since the cakes were so bad, I decided to go it one better and made a frosting composed solely of confectioner's sugar and rum.   My original frosting was a little thin, being more rum than sugar, so I poured that over the cakes and then made a thicker one, also with rum.  The result?  Apparently everything tastes better soaked in rum.  I would not remake this recipe without gross revisions and then douse it in rum-soaked frosting, but at least now I feel confident enough to gift these cakes without shame, although definitely alongside the other things I made that did NOT turn out awful.

The Kitchen Is for Cooking...and Swearing.

Yesterday I discovered a new swear word while in the kitchen.  How does one discover a new swear?  From my experience, it is like the way a chemist discovers a new element by manipulating raw materials.  When I discovered my Italian fruitcakes from the Talisman cookbook to be little burnt tasteless bricks after half the recommended baking time and a whole lot of expensive ingredients, I broke forth with my new swear.

DAMM DAMMERSON! 

Is a Swedish man who sneaks into your kitchen when you're not looking and f-'s up your baked goods with the real butter, hand-chopped walnuts, and hand-candied fruit.

So I have sung the praises of the Talisman cookbook in two posts now.  While it is true that I have eaten many of the foods named in that tome, the actual recipes provided tend be a hot mess.

The Pinza Bertoldese is a case in point.  What it should have been: light, sweet yeast bread with fruit and nuts and a hint of cocoa.  What the recipe called for: 5 cups of flour and 5 tablespoons of water.  For my metric afficionados, that's 75mL of fluid.  I should have stopped right there.  But oh no!  I'm smart, I thought to myself.  I don't need a guide to tell me how much water to put in bread dough.  What I didn't bargain for, but should have, was that apparently every other measurement in the recipe was similarly flawed.

This morning I had a similar experience with the liebkuchen I was attempting to make out of the original 1950-something Betty Crocker Picture Cookbook.  I don't know if tastes have changed since the 50's, but I can tell you right now that when I think "love cake" (a rough translation from the German), I don't think "a cookie that is simultaneously hard and chewy", also requiring expensive ingredients, an actual baking time half as long as the stated baking time, and, despite the inclusion in the recipe of: molasses, cinnamon, allspice, cloves, nutmeg, lemon peel, honey, and walnuts, NO FLAVOR.

So the lesson for today is "trust your instincts".  If a recipe sounds crappy, it probably is. Don't get lured astray by exotic or toothsome ingredients (which are also probably expensive).  Much like a truly diabolical boyfriend, things always sound better in the beginning.  When you're remixing your cookie dough at 10pm because it still isn't firm enough after being in the refrigerator for 5 hours, or wondering yet again why that guy forgot your birthday but bought you a card for no reason last week, it's time to quit while you're ahead.  Don't go down the aisle of actually bothering to cut out and put those bad boys in the oven.  Just throw the whole batch away and start over.

Pasticciera Cream

3 TB. sugar
3 egg yolks
3 TB. flour
1/2 tsp. grated lemon rind
1/2 tsp. vanilla
2 C. milk
1 TB. butter

Place sugar, egg yolks, flour, lemon rind, and vanilla in a large saucepan and mix together well.  In a separate pan (or the microwave) scald the milk, then pour into the large saucepan, a slowly and little at a time at first to avoid curdling the eggs while beating constantly.  (Either with a wire whisk or electric beater...this recipe says use a rotary beater, which just shows how old the book is!  A rotary beater was the precursor to an electric handheld mixer that involves two beaters and a crank.  You held and guided the mixer with one hand and cranked it with the other!!!  I remember using one that my Grandmom had...instant pudding wasn't so instant in those days.)  Anyway, continue cooking the mixture over a low flame (this is what is says, "low" probably for an electric range) stirring with a wooden spoon until mixture reaches the boiling point.  (From personal experience, this could take a while...like half an hour.  Don't try to rush it, you'll just end up with sweet scrambled eggs.)  Cook 4 minutes longer, stirring constantly.  Remove from the source of the heat, and add in the butter.  Mix well.  Pour into a mixing bowl and let cool, stirring occasionally to prevent a skin from forming over the top.  Serves 4.  (4 who?  4 people who want 1/2 C. pudding each?  Maybe.  Also, this will most likely make a boatload of cream puff filling.)

Pizzelles

zest of 1 orange
1 C.sugar
1-1/2 C. flour
6 eggs
1 C. oil + some for brushing onto plates of pizzelle iron
2 large Hershey bars, cut into strips about 1/4 inch*

A pizzelle iron**

Combine all ingredients except the chocolate.  Cook about 1 TB of batter per side in the pizzelle iron for a few seconds each.  (You can tell the pizzelle is done when the hissing subsides somewhat.)  Peel the pizzelles off the iron gently with a fork.  Immediately roll the pizzelle in a tube shape around a chocolate strip and set aside.  OR let cool flat.  Or, fill with something you like better, such as jam, raisin filling, etc.  Either way, let the pizzelles cool until crisp.  Dust with powdered sugar before storing.  Makes about 60.
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You can also flavor your pizzelles with: whisky or vanilla and still be "traditional".
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*Large Hersey chocolate bars are about the size of a graphing calculator.  IE, 17 cm x 7 cm.  The best way to cut perfect strips out of them is to microwave the chocolate bars for a few seconds, then slice with a large chopping knife.  If you're too impatient, or not that much of a perfectionist, cut them cold, they will break into uneven pieces, but at the end of the day the pizzelles will still taste good because the chocolate melts in the pizzelle when it's still hot anyway.

**A pizzelle iron can be its own thing, or a part of an electric waffle iron. I've heard of ones that were basically cast iron pans that you'd put on the stove, but the only ones I've ever used were electric waffle irons with reversible plates, meaning you could take the metal "waffle-shaped" plates out and on the backside was pizzelle molds, which look like round floral- or waffle-design pancakes, usually two to a plate, but occasionally four really small ones.  When using the electric pizzelle maker, have a dish towel at the ready, so that you can press down on the top of the lid once you've closed it.  That way the pizzelles cook better and you don't burn your hands on the metal or from the steam coming out of the sides! 

Jewish Peach Cake / Drinking Hot Coffee and Retailing Hot Gossip

Cake
2 C. sugar
3 C. flour
1 C. oil
3 tsp. baking powder
1/4 C. orange juice
1 large can sliced peaches*
4 eggs
2 tsp. vanilla

Topping**
4 tsp. cinnamon
8 tsp. sugar

Combine all ingredients except those for topping.  Pour into a greased and floured tube pan.  Combine topping ingredients.  Sprinkle on top of batter.  Bake for 350F for 1-1/4 hours.  Cool, then serve.
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I'm not really sure why this cake is "Jewish Peach Cake", as opposed to plain "Peach Cake".
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*This is kind of vague, I know.  It could mean a 14 ounce can, or one of those jumbo cans whose ounceage I do not know.  But I would say 28 ounces at least.  They look like little tin barrels of peaches.  It's a lot.  I would say, use the amount of peaches that is most agreeable to you.  If you like a lot of peaches, buy the big can.  If not, buy the little can.  Either way, this recipe would probably benefit from chopping the peach slices into large cubes before adding them into the batter.

**This doesn't seem like a lot of topping to me.  All together, it makes about 1/4 C. of topping, so maybe it's enough.  But I am a certified topping junkie.  If it were me, I would probably make a cinnamon streussel topping and giggle with delight while the dense sugary mixture sank slowly into the depths of the cake.
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I don't know if it's become obvious yet, but coffee cake is a tradition in and of itself in South Jersey.  It crosses ethnic and national boundaries, and the reason is this: the purpose of coffee cake is very old-fashioned: you have something to offer your guests when they come over (planned or unannounced), that then you can eat while drinking coffee and retailing hot gossip.  Now, regardless of your personal views on the ethical ramifications of gossipping, it is just a fact that the women (and men!!) of New Jersey are like the organic version of the Internet.  Information 24 hours a day, any and all, just ask.  The people of South Jersey view information exchange as somewhere between not "occupying" the left lane of traffic and "going down the shore" at least once a summer in order of existential importance.  Your nephew's cousin Bennie graduated college?  (I'll send him a card.)  Bennie got pulled over for drunk driving?  Duly noted.  (Note..to..self... dissuade...niece....from....chasing after....Bennie.)  No one ever got disenfranchised due to sheer ignorance in Jersey.  Now, niece Monica may still chase after Bennie.  (Note...to...self:..invite...Pauline  Zornak...over for...coffee cake.)  But at least she had been duly warned!  (Note..to...self...give Monica bird and bee...lecture...in hopes...she will die....of embarrassment.  Do...same...for Bennie.)  Because most of the gossip in Jersey is good-natured, intended, like Grimm's Fairy Tales, to educate and improve the listener.  All with cinnamon streussel topping!  Sign me up.

Strawberry Glaze for Cheesecake

1 C. strawberries
1-1/2 TB. cornstarch
1/2 C. sugar
2 TB. Grand Marnier

Mash the strawberries.  Combine the strawberries, sugar, and cornstarch in a heavy saucepan.  Cook over medium heat until thick.  Add in liqueur.  Cover and chill.  Makes 3/4 cup.

Blueberry Glaze for Cheesecake

Blueberry Glaze for Cheesecake:
1/2 C. fresh blueberries
1/4 C. water
1/4 C. sugar
1/4 C. brandy
1-1/2 TB cornstarch
3 TB. water

Combine blueberries and 1/4 C. water in a heavy saucepan.  Cook over medium heat for 15 minutes.  Sieve and return to saucepan.  Add sugar and brandy.  Cook over medium heat 10 minutes.  Dissolve cornstarch in 3 TB. water, mixing together until smooth.  Then add this into the blueberry mixture and cook until thickened.  Cover and chill.  Makes 1 C.

Easy Cheesecake

Cake
32 oz. of cream cheese, softened
6 eggs
8 oz. sour cream
4 tsp. vanilla
1-1/3C. + 6 TB. sugar

Crust
1-1/4 C. graham cracker crumbs
1/4 C. sugar
1/3 C. butter, melted

Cream together the cream cheese, 1-1/3 C. sugar, eggs, and 2 tsp. vanilla.  Pour all into a springform pan already prepared with the crust--or--a greased 3 quart oblong pan.  Bake a half an hour at 350F, then remove brieftly from oven, leaving the oven on.  While cake is out of oven, mix together the sour cream, remaining 2 tsp. vanilla, and 6 TB. sugar.  Spread this mixture over the top of the partially-baked cheesecake.  Replace the cheesecake in the oven and bake 15 minutes more.  Remove immediately and let cool until set, ideally overnight.

To make the crust: combine all crust ingredients, then press into the bottom and up the sides of a springform pan.  Bake at 325F for 5 minutes.  Let cool, then bake the cheesecake in it as directed above.

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I included the blueberry and strawberry glazes in separate posts.
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My great-aunt Kitty was a wonderful woman who graciously gave my mom this recipe when she was a new bride.

Cream Puffs...as a Metaphor for Sex

1/2 C. shortening
1 C. boiling water or milk
1 C. flour
4 eggs
1 tsp. salt

Add shortening to water or milk in a large saucepan and bring to a boil.  Add in the flour all in a lump and stir vigorously (with a spoon, or I prefer a wire whisk) until a ball of dough forms in the center of the pan.  Remove from heat and let cool slightly.  Add in unbeaten eggs, one at a time, beating the dough well after each egg.  The mixture should be very stiff.  Grease one or two large baking sheets.  Shape the dough either by dropping by spoonfuls of the preferred size, about 2 inches apart, or by putting the dough in a pastry bag with a large tip and piping the preferred shape and size onto the baking sheets.  Preheat the oven to 450F, and put the cream puffs in for 15 minutes.  Then, while they are still in the oven, reduce the temperature to 350F and continue baking until they are done, about 30 minutes.  If in doubt, remove one from the oven to test it.  It should be well-risen, have a hollow sound when tapped on the bottom, and have a crunchy golden outside.  Let cool.  Fill with desired filling.  Makes 2 dozen small cream puffs.
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This recipe also came from the Lily Wallace New American Cookbook.  Follow the directions explicitly, even the one about dumping flour into a pan of boiling water and shortening.  I have made this very recipe several times now and it always comes out FABULOUS.  Trust me, homemade cream puffs are definitely worth the effort.
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This recipe makes yummy puffs of all sizes.  IE, you can pipe long shapes of dough on your baking sheet and SHAZAM eclairs.  Or make larger, flatter circles and you have a profiterole or a shell for a savory puff (like one filled with chicken salad). 
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Speaking of fillings, the filling of a cream puff can be as simple or as complicated as you make it.  For a firmer filling, like chicken salad, slice your cream puff sandwich style, put the filling on the bottom half, and lay the top half on top.  For a creamy filling...like cream (umm, whipped cream), pudding, or what have you, you have to go the pastry tube route again.  So: put your filling in the pastry tube.  Milk it down to the bottom of the tube.  Fold the top of the tube over.  (I mention this because I make cream puffs so infrequently that I inevitably forget this and have a vomiting pastry tube.  Pudding+floor=massive diversion from intended leisure activity of filling cream puffs.)  Insert the tip of the pastry tube into the side or bottom of your cream puff.  This is kind of like mining for gold-- basically your objective is to find one of the hollow cavities inside the puff so that you can pump pudding or cream into it without actually being able to see or otherwise discern where that cavity is.  Fear not.  The inside of a baked cream puff is like Mammoth Cave-- a series of smaller and larger connected cavities.  So just stick your tube in some place that won't show and take a firm grip on your pastry bag and apply firm pressure until you can tell from the movement of the contents of the bag that filling is going into the puff.  Why?  Because once you see massive amounts of pudding coming out the top of your cream puff, you've put too much in.  It's an art, or a process of trial-and-error, or whatever term you'd like to apply to a process that mainly involves guessing.
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On a side note, I had serious difficulty typing my little lesson on filling cream puffs with a straight face.

Roll Shapes

Round Rolls: tear off lumps of dough.  Roll into a ball.  Brush with butter if desired.  Let rise and bake as directed, either on a baking sheet or nestled down in the muffin cups of a muffin pan.

Cloverleaf Rolls: tear off three small lumps of dough.  Roll into three small balls.  Place the three balls in a muffin cup.  Let rise and bake as directed.

Fan-Tans: Roll out dough into a sheet about 1/2-inch thick.  Cut into rounds.  Place three or four rounds in a muffin cup edges up.  (So that they "fan out" like the pages in a book.)  Let rise and bake as directed.

Bowknots: Pull off a lump of dough.  Roll between your palms to make a "snake".  Tie into a knot.  Let rise and bake as directed.

Rosettes: Make a snake, as for bowknots (above).  When tying into a knot, pull one end of the snake up through the center so that it makes the center of the "rose".  Take the tail and tuck underneath the roll.  Let rise and bake as directed.

Plain or "Parker House" Rolls: Roll dough into a sheet about 1/2-inch thick.  Cut into rounds.  Let rise and bake as directed.

Pocketbook Rolls: Roll dough into a sheet about 1/2-inch thick.  Cut into rounds.  Fold rounds in half.  Lay resulting half-circles on their sides (so that the "pocket" is facing sideways).  Let rise and bake as directed.  Consequently, pocketbook rolls are the best for filling with things like ham or cheese prior to baking.  YUM.

Refrigerator Rolls / Yeast Homicide

2 cakes yeast (I used 2 packages of fast-rise yeast with success)
1/4 C. sugar
1 C. milk
1/2 C. shortening*
1 tsp. salt
3 beaten еggs***
5 C. flour**

Combine yeast with sugar.  Let stand 20 minutes****.  Scald milk.  Add shortening and salt.  Cool to lukewarm.  Add in yeast-sugar mixture and eggs.  Add flour, mixing thoroughly.  Turn out dough onto floured board and knead until satiny.  Place in a greased bowl.  Cover and set in a warm place to rise until double in bulk.  Knead again.  Form into a smooth ball and grease the surface.  Cover and keep in the refrigerator.  (I covered it with plastic wrap.)  Take out amount required each time, and keep remainder covered in refrigerator.

At this point the recipe goes on to name the 8 thousand roll shapes available, which I am not fixing to type here.  But be it known that you can make: cloverleaf rolls, pocketbook rolls, fan-tans, rosettes, bowknots, and braids, as well as plain cut-out rolls, which the book describes as "Parker House Rolls."  Which I think used to be a famous hotel or something.

Anyway, after you've inspired the nations with your roll-shaping prowess, the next step is to let your rolls rise until doubled again in a warm place and then bake at 425F for 15-20 minutes.
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In addition, refrigerator roll dough is good for making "oops people in the house want a fancy bread" bread.  IE, take your dough out of the refrigerator, then instead of cutting out rolls, roll the dough out in a sheet, put in a filling (ie cinnamon, sugar, and butter; raisins and sugar; jam, whatever floats your boat really), roll the m-fer back up (yes Grandmom I did just type that) and bake as directed.  (Maybe add 10-15 minutes since your dough is all in one lump instead of in cute little rolls.)  For extra style points, divide your dough into three portions before you roll it out, roll, fill, then braid it.  and glaze it with something fancy like confectioner's sugar and water (after it comes out of the oven) or milk or beaten egg whites (before it goes it).  All of a sudden, you are a culinary genius and highly marriageable in many cultures, and all you did was pull some dough out of the refrigerator.
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This recipe comes from "The Lily Wallace New American Cookbook," which was given to my grandmom upon her marriage in 1953.  It has the best recipes!  Primarily, in my opinion, because it was published prior to such items as "cream of-" soup, prepackaged mixes of all varieties, and process cheese food entering common use.  I could write a whole essay on process cheese food, but I think it says enough that its name is not even grammatically correct.
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*Shortening is a product made from cottonseed oil that is basically vegetable lard.  Wrap you mind around that one.  Despite the oxymoron of the phrase "vegetable lard", it actually works well in baked goods.  But hey, regular (animal) lard would work fine too.

**When I made these rolls, they ended up a little bready and I used more like 6-7 cups of flour.  I'm guessing this had to do with a change in flour processing between 1953 and 2011.  I would suggest: less kneading, don't use 7 cups of flour, but do try and use something like a "all-purpose unbleached whole wheat" flour.  IE, not the grainy kind of whole wheat flour but the kind that looks like bread/cake flour but has a little more texture (and a lot more nutrition, honestly) than regular bleached all-purpose flour.  To return to "less kneading", I would say that for the first rising period, just mix the ingredients together until the dough is shaggy and pulls away from the sides of the bowl, then let it rise.  Let the satinizing wait until before the 2nd rising.

***Re: 3 eggs.  You can play this two ways.  #1-- let your eggs come to room temperature, then follow the recipe per directions.  #2-- scald the milk (I did it in the microwave, with the unmelted shortening in the beaker to, you know, melt while the milk was being heated), then added a little milk at a time to the refrigerator-temperature eggs to prevent them from curdling them in the hot milk, then dumped the resulting egg-milk mixture into the rest of the hot milk all at once, thus lowering the temperature of the hot milk and mixing in the eggs in one fell swoop.

****Let stand 20 minutes.  I have not personally seen a cake of yeast in my lifetime.  If cake yeast is what you have, follow the directions as written.  If you have granulated yeast in packets, then mix the dry yeast and sugar as directed, but then after your scalded milk/eggs/shortening combo has become lukewarm, add in the yeast and sugar and allow it about 5 minutes to "proof", eg grow and wake up from being in the refrigerator.  Because soon it will be the burning time.  Yes.  In the oven.  TAKE THAT VEGANS, EVERY TIME YOU EAT A PIECE OF YEAST BREAD, MILLIONS OF MICROORGANISMS DIED A FIERY DEATH FOR YOU.  PS Please forgive my sick sense of humor.  This will likely result in a mass vegan-eschewing of products made with yeast and consequently the first mass outbreak of beriberi since the 1940's.  Progress, thy name is "adults who define their identities by what they refuse to eat."
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